QUESTION #2 -- February 10, 2008
Most importantly, I want to thank all of you for viewing, reading, commenting and supporting this new community. You contributed such heartfelt answers to Question #1. In the interest of taking this a step beyond frivolity, I'd encourage us all to honor those '3 things', and to figure out why they're not as integral a part of our daily lives as we fantasize them being.
In the interest of participating rather than just eliciting, here are my three:
1. Act more, ponder less (which is the reason I've been so unabashedly self promoting lately about my 'bliss' projects that have until recently collected more cobwebs in my brain than momentum in reality, so thanks for understanding)
2. Float openly around South America for an unlimited amount of time, ideally volunteering at an orphanage along the way
3. Extend this concept into a road documentary in order to cull as many answers for all of us before I leave this place
Onward....
I had a beautiful, spirited housewarming party last weekend filled with an eclectic mix of friends and family I am blessed to have in my life. Yesterday my neighbor, an older Italian woman who was surprised to have been invited, reminded me to 'appreciate the privilege'. It took me a moment to understand she was talking about cherishing the pool of love we're surrounded by that falls away as we age, simply by virtue of mortality. Last Sunday, I transformed into a sailor/cheerleader combo entranced by the Superbowl, viewed at a little New York City joint my loved ones and I have been visiting for years on 'big game day'. Another ritual that makes this non-sports gal morph one day a year more because of the company than the circumstances. So I pose to you...
QUESTION #2:
WHAT RITUALS AND CELEBRATIONS -- BEYOND OBVIOUS BIRTHDAYS AND HALLMARK HOLIDAYS -- DO YOU ENJOY OR WANT TO BEGIN, JUST BECAUSE....???
In the interest of participating rather than just eliciting, here are my three:
1. Act more, ponder less (which is the reason I've been so unabashedly self promoting lately about my 'bliss' projects that have until recently collected more cobwebs in my brain than momentum in reality, so thanks for understanding)
2. Float openly around South America for an unlimited amount of time, ideally volunteering at an orphanage along the way
3. Extend this concept into a road documentary in order to cull as many answers for all of us before I leave this place
Onward....
I had a beautiful, spirited housewarming party last weekend filled with an eclectic mix of friends and family I am blessed to have in my life. Yesterday my neighbor, an older Italian woman who was surprised to have been invited, reminded me to 'appreciate the privilege'. It took me a moment to understand she was talking about cherishing the pool of love we're surrounded by that falls away as we age, simply by virtue of mortality. Last Sunday, I transformed into a sailor/cheerleader combo entranced by the Superbowl, viewed at a little New York City joint my loved ones and I have been visiting for years on 'big game day'. Another ritual that makes this non-sports gal morph one day a year more because of the company than the circumstances. So I pose to you...
QUESTION #2:
WHAT RITUALS AND CELEBRATIONS -- BEYOND OBVIOUS BIRTHDAYS AND HALLMARK HOLIDAYS -- DO YOU ENJOY OR WANT TO BEGIN, JUST BECAUSE....???
Sorry I missed the last question...beautiful idea and inspiring comments.
Thanks to your question, it occured to me that I have performed a ritual virtually every day for almost 17 years. Without this daily event, I feel physically empty. No matter what the day holds, no matter my mood or stress level, this act shows me what is most important. My ritual is laying in bed with my 3 children. I go from bed to bed and cuddle, scratch their backs and talk about the day. This is the time I hear all news,proud moments and important problems plagueing their minds. I hold them, feel their skin and take in their scents.
I never stopped to think about it before. It may seem that I am doing it for their benefit, to make them feel loved and safe. but this question made me recognize that I am doing it for me as well. I marvel at the brilliance of the gems that come out of my 6 year old daughter's mouth. Her unique way of looking at life. Feel her still soft sweet smelling skin. I cringe at the daily problems my gentle and kind 12 year old daughter faces in her first year of middle school. Reliving all the pain and changes her life and body are going through. I want to push her through this quickly but know that this will help her grow to be the woman she will all too soon be. I am in awe that my almost 17 year old son looks and feels like a man when I try to cuddle this body that is bigger than my own husband. We are both a little awkward, but want to still feel the closeness of mommy and her little boy. It makes us a little sad. They are my miracles, my happiness, my life.
Thank you for making me see that this ritual that admittedly sometimes feels like a chore, is what makes me fall asleep feeling at peace.
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i dont think you can choose to create a ritual. rituals are ways to relate to the unexplainable forces; love, god, nature,etc. that are often thought of as holy. when people try to manufacture this sort of thing you end up with b.s.: Kwanza-completely made up by just one guy, most Hallmark Holidays-which most people even the benefactors resent and National ____________ (fill in the blank) Day. Because they are not tied to the sacred in the some way they just dont mean anything.
If i answered the question by saying what sacred thing I'd like celebrate it would be the end of the Witch of Winter. Maybe a bonfire. Some booze and the end of being cold.
if i was to answer with something i do, its sunday breakfast. slow. thoughtful and grateful.
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Other than the obvious, my family had only two traditions. Pork roast and sauerkraut on New Year's Day (I miss my mother's cooking) and opening Christmas presents in order of youngest to oldest (I hate that one, there's 14 of us locally and it takes hours).
I agree with Chris, you can't invent/create rituals out of thin air.
In spite of that you may find that though repetition you have established one. Here's mine. Before heading off to the big Christmas family get-together, I cook breakfast for my two sons and we do a liimited gift exchange. I stopped giving them "stuff" years ago and now provide all expenses paid vacations for the three of us to some place different every year. No doubt they'll remember experiences like standing under the Eiffel Tower on New Years Eve a lot longer than they would a crappy DVD player. Once my boys have their own kids... that are beyond the toy stage... I hope they'll pick up where I leave off.
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Cooking for and with friends. I use to have live music BBQ's with fellow musicians and friends, and friends of friends and I have always loved the celebration of people coming together over a meal. I guess in the future with the proper space I would start "Sunday" dinner (which would really start midday) where once a month a huge meal is prepared, friends gather, cook, share recipes, eat, drink, laugh and catch up with each others lives. In this ever hectic paced world it would be a nice way to stay connected with the ones close to you in your life.
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This is a tough one...I started looking at all the things that I look forward to every year and excluding birthdays, holidays etc. I still have a bunch of traditions that I look forward to everyear. I think for me there isn't a set one...I mean, I have 10K festivals, girls weekends, college girls weekend (which is pretty awesome) there's always Burning Man, and not to mention the Sunday Fundays we get caught up in. Maybe for me it is something like Sunday Funday that I'm surrounded by friends dancing, watching sports, drinking beer...having fun and I have somehow managed to mesh one or more friendship groups together in the same place and I can sit right in the middle all by myself...knowing that I'm sooo lucky to have all these wonderful people in my life that no matter how many days, weeks, months, or years go by...our communication, relations, and friendships haven't changed one bit!! that's a tradition that I never want to lose...it's not how much money you have...it's how many people in your life that are special!!
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Living by the beach allows me the privilege to see the full moon reflecting off the ocean. So my monthly ritual is to try and get to the beach to witness the spectacular full moon create light that dances on the water. It's even more special when i am with someone to snuggle with.
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I disagree with those who say you can't create rituals. You pick the things in your life you want to make important, and which things you want (your children) to remember. You stress those things, and repeat them. It might start with a spontaneous gesture, like pulling out the telescope for your 5-year-old to search the night sky for Santa... and it becomes something you all enjoy so much you repeat it each year. Or you realize that, too often, in the rush of our everyday lives we don't stop and enjoy the moment. So you intentionaly do SOMETHING to make it memorable. If you enjoy it, and repeat it, it can become a ritual.
As I look back on my childhood, I wish my family had created more "rituals", because memories stick with you better if they were part of something larger.
As far as rituals for my kids - I think about the snapshots I would want them to remember of their Mom if something ever happened to me. I'd want them to remember the lunches we grabbed when we were shopping, Sunday mornings in "the big bed", and getting tickled and chased around the house on nights when Daddy can't be home to tuck them in.
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We has a Christmas tradition in my family growing up where Santa actually came to the house and everyone sat on his lap and got a gift. Our entire family participated in this and it was amazing. There was about a hundred people packed into my Great Grandmother's house. The food was amazing and so was the family bonding. We were allowed to bring friends and it was just an amazing time. I think I was 14 before I found out about Santa and his hidden identity. I'd love to do that on a large scale at my home with my friend's and people who just have no one and nowhere to go on Christmas. I started a small version of it without Santa at my first apartment in Florida when we was in my early 20's. I had a ton of friends who had nowhere to go come over. I'd spend days cooking and shopping...it was really an amazing time!
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