QUESTION #15 - May 8, 2010
QUESTION #15 -- May 8, 2010
A few weeks ago, I was sitting at one of my regular spots up in an old river town along the Hudson River about an hour north of my home. I had my glass of pinot noir, a delicious book, the comfort of strangers and my solitude all in one shot. I was blissed out. A woman two bar stools away leaned across and told me I looked like the picture of contentment -- she was right -- and that she wished she could take my picture for her friend, a recent divorcee who was terrified of her own company, despite this friend's constant encouragement to take herself on the occasional outing.
I come from a family where we are equal parts social butterfly and loner. Either preference can strike on any given day, and rarely is there middle ground where any of us would try to fill up alone time with anyone we don't REALLY want to be with just so the space is occupied. I have some of my loudest laughs and best dances flying solo. I can also burn the candle on a school night in great company like the best of em.
So I pose to you QUESTION #15: ARE YOU A FAN OF YOUR OWN COMPANY? IF SO, WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SOLO ACTIVITY? AND IF NOT, WHAT DO YOU ASPIRE TO DO ON YOUR OWN THAT YOU'VE YET TO?
A few weeks ago, I was sitting at one of my regular spots up in an old river town along the Hudson River about an hour north of my home. I had my glass of pinot noir, a delicious book, the comfort of strangers and my solitude all in one shot. I was blissed out. A woman two bar stools away leaned across and told me I looked like the picture of contentment -- she was right -- and that she wished she could take my picture for her friend, a recent divorcee who was terrified of her own company, despite this friend's constant encouragement to take herself on the occasional outing.
I come from a family where we are equal parts social butterfly and loner. Either preference can strike on any given day, and rarely is there middle ground where any of us would try to fill up alone time with anyone we don't REALLY want to be with just so the space is occupied. I have some of my loudest laughs and best dances flying solo. I can also burn the candle on a school night in great company like the best of em.
So I pose to you QUESTION #15: ARE YOU A FAN OF YOUR OWN COMPANY? IF SO, WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SOLO ACTIVITY? AND IF NOT, WHAT DO YOU ASPIRE TO DO ON YOUR OWN THAT YOU'VE YET TO?
I, too, am equal parts social butterfly and loner. I like my own company and am never short on things to occupy my time. I enjoy getting lost in a book store for hours. I love to dance in the dark, in my basement with my iPOD strapped to my arm while my family is asleep, upstairs. I enjoy being in my garden, weeding, trimming, planting when the feeling strikes.
I am passionate about exercising and have no interest in a buddy to do it with....unless they can keep up or challenge me....I suppose I am about being challenged and stimulated by others who know how to engage me, challenge me, push me....otherwise, I prefer hanging with me.
I would like to take a trip on my own, back to Paris. Have a chance to stroll the museums, shops, cafés, parks on my own time. Everybody needs a little time away.....
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Your story makes me smile cause I can picture you taking all the bliss in. It also make me smile cause I take after my big sissy! A good glass of wine and book at a bar seems to be in the genes! I also hope to get my solo travel mojo on again someday.
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Love my alone time to create, first in my mind, then engaging the universe in a plan to make it happen which includes the wonderful input of people. Being with people everyday in my charity, my new health advocacy and PeaceSpa in Chicago makes this time along even more dear because without quiet reflection on what is and is not working -- on all levels - including evaluating one's own responsibility in the outcome, charting change and more, I am not sure progress can be made. So I sit in meditation every chance I get, daily at the very least and remember that disconnection is the thread to letting go - and creating a new way with the help of others. My longing lately for serenity is to write more and learn Portuguese. After the summer is over, I am sequestering myself in a friends cabin overlooking a lake for a few weeks. Focused now on getting there this fall by doing all I can do now to build the things I need to build to give me that freedom.
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I can SO see you Cali sitting in a bistro happily absorbing a good book and a glass of wine. Sounds like a great plan. I love having that time alone to relax, breathe and just be.
I've done a lot of solo international wondering, but what I've never done is just get in my car and take off on a domestic adventure with no set plan of where I'm going or when I'd get there.
I'd pack a bag and drive in any direction that calls to me. Stop when I end up somewhere curious, check into a fun looking hotel, find great places to eat and visit, then repeat these steps until I end up somewhere that surprises me.
Being I'm in Oregon, that means I'd probably end up in Maine or Rhode Island or Mississippi. Then I'd take a completely different route back, stopping in Alaska on the way home.
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MMM I WOULD SAY YES NO PROBLEM U MUST FIRST FIND COMFORT IN YOURSELF BEFORE SEEKING PLEASURE FROM THOSE AROUND U. THEN SUCK THE LIFE OUT OF Whom EVER IS WILLING TO PARTICIPATE BUT DO IT SLOW SO THEY ENJOY IT AS WELL BE BRAZIN AAAA A FINE WINE CALI AND I HAVE ENJOYED AND I Continue TO ENJOY AS IN THIS AFTERNOON WHIE ENGAGING IN CONVERSATION WITH A COUPLE THE SUBJECT OF MATUES SOME HOW SURFACED I REMEMBER BURNING CANDLES ALL OVER THESE BOTTLES SERENITY NOW SNAP OUT OF IT BREATH AAA KISS MY ASS AND BE GLAD TO BE UP RIGHT EVERY DAY AND BRING HUMOR TO ALL THOSE U ENCOUNTER AND IF THEY DONT GET IT MOVE ON CHOICE IS AN OPTION
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As I read your question a "bush like smirk" cracked the lines of this aging face. Like getting busted doing cartoon voices in conversation with self whn i thought I was alone. I cannot remember a time in this lifetime that I didn't seek and find time to be with me! Its that deeper breath, it's no judgement, it is stillness, it IS BLISS!
Did ja ever think why guys like hunting season so much?
After growing a family and all the responsabilities and commitments nothing beats a day in a tree. I remember self at five years old on the very top branches of a huge weeping willow swaying in the wind, my mother calling to me from the back door every five minutes. Finally I would say "I'm up here mom" and freak her out.
I can feel the wind in my face now as I think of that moment.
WOW thanks for the question, i found my perfect mantra.
going back now
later
For the past three months I have been hold up in the studio, all my friends are asking "is everthing ok"?
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Good question Cali. Easy question to answer. I've always believed that time alone is time well spent. These days it's at somewhat of a premium so i appreciate it that much more. Two things jump immediately to mind. I love to grab my guitar and plunk my ipod into the docking station. I can play along with old favorites and dissect new songs for hours and hours. There have been instances where I've had to change strings after only two days of 6 hour solo jam. It's just such a joy. My other favorite thing is to take off by myself in the woods on my mountain bike, my swow shoes, my skis whatever the season dictates. I love getting to those remote regions where it's only me and I can hide out from humanity for a few hours. My favorite destination for this, at least the mountain biking portion is New Paltz. A afternoon in the saddle in New Paltz leaves me refreshed, rejuvenated, peaceful and extremely happy. One last thing I like to do is walk to & from work while listening to myriad NPR podcasts. A good episode of This American Life, Wait Wait Don't Tell Me or a good interview on Fresh Air will take me most of the way. I always learn something new and check out for a good hour. Just awesome. Thanks for posing such a great question Cali.
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As an only child in his 40s who has never been married, I have no choice but to be satisfied with my own company (wow, what a depressing sentence. Can Question #15A be, "have you ever considered suicide?").
Regarding my favorite solo activity, I like seeing movies and comedy shows. I also like long walks on the beach and, based on my comments, for the next walk I may just continue on into the ocean!
PS: So my answer to Question #15A is "yes").
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While reading your description of your 'bliss', my thoughts ran to> that''s what I aspire to do'. Now that I'm in my 50's I have realized that 'my time' is very important. After years of raising children, I have found that I need to nurture myself as I nurtured my children. I am very content being alone, I love to be fully involved in a book,a movie or music. And then II need to spend as much time with my family as I can. I am very blessed to have a 'close-knit' family & I enjoy my grandchildren more than anything in the world. My family is my life. I have learned I can't help my family be happy if I'm not happy. I love & appreciate having you in my life!
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Another great question, Cali...I think you have a real gift at asking original stuff...
I too am comfortable being very sociable and also spending time alone...
I love people and connecting with them, but I also like a night on the couch just zoning out at ESPN...
These days I enjoy spending my solitude doing online marketing and networking for my life coaching album...
I can get lost for hours getting the word out and working on my website...I guess it echoes back to the day when I used to spend lots of time making mix cassette tapes of my favorite tunes!
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I completely connect to the duel aspect of being by yourself and others. I too grew up where many times my time was occupied with myself. So the loner and the gregarious person in the pool of friends works well for me. However, I enjoy my time alone but I don't think I have grasped that abandon of being by oneself reading a book, of which you speak. I think that is because my times alone growing up were not always desired. However, when alone, I dance to music, sing to music, draw to music, and run like a crazy person after my Bulldog Gizmo and his furry brethren Slim and Remy. Inspiration comes sometimes while watering the plants, cleaning the house, and hanging in my beautiful apartment...or so I think.
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I love any me time I can get. It is very rare for me to have any, but when I do get it I love to read. I love taking pictures (though I'm not very good at it). I like to garden and go for long walks.
I would like to take some photography classes someday.
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