QUESTION #17 - September 1, 2010
Two weeks ago I celebrated my birthday – although with all the assorted festivities including a decadent work party, cocktails with friends and a special beach getaway, it felt more like a celebratory birth week.
During the evening of my birthday, bookending the moment at precisely 8:36p all those years ago, when my mom, high on nitrous, pushed me out as my dad eagerly smoked cigars and made phone calls, I was out with my immediate family and four of my closest friends.
Partially plied with nice wine and good appetizers, I was overtaken in one moment with the fact that I could love 8 people so purely and so uniquely. They are all such utterly high quality, creative, special, warm, capable and menschy beings in whose company I always feel filled up. I was so moved that I decided it was high time to toast them.
Which I did, although not very eloquently.
A few days later while drinking cocktails on the comic book-like ‘beach’ of Governor’s Island, just across the harbor from lower Manhattan, the subject of friendships came up. We talked about friendship between couples, and the fact that women tend to find more holistic fulfillment in their girlfriends while men get a smorgasbord from different friends.
So with that I pose QUESTION #17: ASIDE FROM YOUR SPOUSE OR PARTNER, WHO IS YOUR CLOSEST FRIEND AND WHY? DO YOU POSSESS AND GIVE THE SAME BACK TO THEM?
Well...being that we both grew up in the same home, I hope our answer is the same sissy! Remember mom always told us, "your sister is your best friend" and this much I know is true. I wouldn't be the only one here who knows all the brilliant and beautiful qualities you possess and how lucky I am to benefit from them. What I'm most grateful for is how you've taught me to live outside the box and explore people, places and mostly my own soul. As your younger sister, I've always been fortunate enough to follow your lead and reek all your beauty. I also know that no matter what, we'll always have the glue of sister soul to keep us together and love and appreciate each other regardless of the circumstances and that is true friendship. I know that we are so similar in so many ways yet so different and others and I believe that where I need growth, I take from you and visa versa, so with that said, I believe I give you back differently yet equally. Now wipe your tears and tell me how much you love me too! xo
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Great posting Cali, and it's good timing...
Lately I've been wondering that if I ever got married, who would be my best man?
I'm really blessed with several great friends who are like brothers to me, and I also have sisters like yourself who are real mensches too
Maybe it's a sign of growth since I always had a best friend as a kid, but these days, I have several best friends...
Each one if different from the next and yet the same as me...How cool is that!
I still keep in touch with best friends from the past, and they're touchstones in my life
I'm grateful that I have a bunch of numbers to call in the middle of the night if I ever need them
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Over the years....I have longed for the friendships that you carry throughout your life...yet, having moved from Canada to the USA in '92...it was hard to keep up the friendships from my youth.
I spent many years in my 20s and 30s wanting to flee the US...run back to the comfort of family in Canada...as I was always taught that you cannot count on anyone like you can on your family. Then, at 40, I woke up to the reality that I wasn't moving back. I was a grown woman with a family, a career and had many people in my life in the USA who enriched my life in so many ways.
While there isn't ONE friend that I can call my BFF....I am fortunate to have many friends, both female and male, who I know I can count on in my hours of both happiness and sorrow....and everything in between. They are sincere, authentic people who accept me...for the "me" that I am.
I have often been surprised by the open ear and warmth of complete strangers and since chatting people up or connecting with another human being has never been a challenge for me, I have had the good fortune to make friends along the way. While many are what we call "acquaintances"...I feel that if I ever needed something that they were capable of providing....whether their attention, advice or business connections, they would.
I see the good in people...I see their desire to connect...and I know that all we all really want is some warmth and validation. I seek it and give it and am given it in return.
I think I am afraid of counting on one person for a deep friendship... What would happen if that treasure ever went away? Therefore, I treasure the folks I have collected....my family of friends. Thank you all for keeping me sane...keeping me smiling and allowing me to keep on being me.
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I have a couple of closest friends, both of whom I have known for most of my life. Part of our enduring friendship is the time, decades starting in our formative years. But most of our friendships are based on accepting each other through great familiarity, enjoying each other's company, appreciating our conversations, having great times when we get together.
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Another very good question which makes me pause and think for a while...
My immediate response is to name Patty, my oldest, "bestest friend forever" which is what we've been calling each other for over 40 years now, while walking home from school.
Patty is almost an organic sister. She who remembers my grandmother -- gone now for over 30 years.
But during our long friendship there has been many other "best friends" collected along the way while traveling and with every geographic move I've made. Best friends made in San Francisco, Sonoma, Sedona, Panama and now Portland. Each is a great treasure and a best friend in a different way. With each I share amazing memories that only the two of us can savor. And each provides a different kind of reciprocal nourishment that has kept me sane and glued together throughout the years.
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My closest friend … I would feel as if I betrayed him if I didn’t mention first my holy friend “Saint Trinity”.
Why? Because smelling cheese, red wine and frog’s legs is such a tasteful combination the universe has given to me. Besides that, I must say that a close relationship is very tasty and nourishing too. My closest friend is the one with whom my relationship is based relative to how much our differences as well as our common life interests feed us.
The combination of these two often challenges my emotional and intellectual comfort, but if I overcome this, it brings out emotions, creativity, understanding, and strengthens my relationship with the other person.
During the 44 summers of my Homo sapiens life, I’ve met few people who have positively contributed to both of these opposing nuances. When I have found both of these working well in conjunction, we grew to be closest friends for long times.
I don’t expect something back from the friend to whom I give. Sometimes it happens, and other times I get it back from another friend. At times, total strangers have shared, given or received, as a closest friend would have done.
Christophe
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hey Cali
I have been sleeping on this one!
How can there be a BEST?
With every one so unique so perfect!
As the Budda said "your enemy is your best friend playing your worst enemy"
Only your best friend would put up with that much shit to teach you your god damn lesson's.
I love you all!
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