CalisQuestionCafe

WELCOME

2010-09-01T21:03:00Z

I guess I never outgrew the ‘question-asking’ phase most curious toddlers go through. When I was five I was asking enlightened questions of my teddy bears all the while studying Barbara Walters on our undersized black and white TV, vowing I’d depose her one day. After all, questions like ‘What’s it like being green?’ and ‘Do you envy Winnie the Pooh’s merchandising prospects?’ were certainly more riveting than ‘If you were a tree….’

I’ve tried inserting my “Cali questions” -- as they’ve been coined by friends over the years -- into interviews I’ve conducted with presidential candidates, celebrities, renowned musicians, and ‘real people’ subjects for shows I’ve worked on. The mainstream TV agendas, though, have made that tough. I recall a moment with a famous actress many years ago. It was the end of a long day of press interviews and I asked a whimsical question about what she’d want waiting for her if she were to open a treasure chest. It was a theme prompted by the film, and she seemed genuinely pleased to be taken off the rote track. She thanked me. That exchange was the exception. And my question lists have grown.

This is where you come in. I ponder this stuff often. The 'whys' and 'hows' didn't melt away with my 6th birthday ice cream cake. On some days the answers seem clear, while other days they elude me.

A few times each month, I will pose a new query. If you’re inspired, please share an anecdote, a lesson, a secret, a thought. Break out a missive from your journal. Get your friends involved. Read others' replies. This is about communal curiosity in all its cyber anonymous glory!

Cali’sQuestionCafe: Listen more, talk less. Attention span required.
Maybe we can collectively find some answers….

CHECK OUT: www.hangproud.com www.calialpert.com

QUESTION #17 - September 1, 2010

2010-09-01T21:02:00Z

Two weeks ago I celebrated my birthday – although with all the assorted festivities including a decadent work party, cocktails with friends and a special beach getaway, it felt more like a celebratory birth week.

During the evening of my birthday, bookending the moment at precisely 8:36p all those years ago, when my mom, high on nitrous, pushed me out as my dad eagerly smoked cigars and made phone calls, I was out with my immediate family and four of my closest friends.

Partially plied with nice wine and good appetizers, I was overtaken in one moment with the fact that I could love 8 people so purely and so uniquely. They are all such utterly high quality, creative, special, warm, capable and menschy beings in whose company I always feel filled up. I was so moved that I decided it was high time to toast them.

Which I did, although not very eloquently.

A few days later while drinking cocktails on the comic book-like ‘beach’ of Governor’s Island, just across the harbor from lower Manhattan, the subject of friendships came up. We talked about friendship between couples, and the fact that women tend to find more holistic fulfillment in their girlfriends while men get a smorgasbord from different friends.

So with that I pose QUESTION #17: ASIDE FROM YOUR SPOUSE OR PARTNER, WHO IS YOUR CLOSEST FRIEND AND WHY? DO YOU POSSESS AND GIVE THE SAME BACK TO THEM?

QUESTION #16 - July 4, 2010

2010-07-04T18:50:00Z

For the last five weeks, I have been blissfully roaming around the Pacific Northwest during a seasonal work hiatus. I fell in love with the area while working here last year for a few months and wanted to expand my radius. It’s been such a luxury being on my own schedule amidst stunning beauty -- floating timelessly through the days, discovering special places, meeting new people, and seeing old friends.

It’s also been very self-indulgent. So much so that I’ve refrained from talking about it too much or gloating too readily on the Granddaddy of Self-Indulgence: Facebook.

Indulgent why? Because I’ve been able to sate (most of) my major ‘food groups’ -- nature, hiking, biking, travel, intriguing conversation, and plenty of local wine and culinary delights – on a daily basis. I had a moment the other day where I envisioned myself in proper toga regalia to aptly suit my little moveable bacchanal. I feel like a character from “Eat, Pray, Love”, without the divorce.

All this said, I’d like to think I’m not that shallow and that gout is not my final destination. I write about it here because I was thinking that while I have drained my pockets on all these momentary, perishable delights, I have not spent one penny on anything permanent. No souvenirs, no gifts, no airport magnets. Only experiences, be it bike rentals, unmatched flower-infused cocktails, whale-watching fees and freshly caught coho salmon.

So I ask you, QUESTION #16: WHAT SPLURGE BRINGS YOU THE MOST GLEE? DO YOU PREFER AN EXPERIENCE THAT VAPORIZES BUT IMPRINTS ITSELF IN YOUR MIND? OR AN OBJECT THAT HAS SHELF LIFE FOR YEARS TO COME?

(I'm not fishing for confessions of materialism. This is about the distinction between fleeting and permanent. Abstract and tangible.)

QUESTION #15 - May 8, 2010

2010-05-09T02:43:50Z

QUESTION #15 -- May 8, 2010

A few weeks ago, I was sitting at one of my regular spots up in an old river town along the Hudson River about an hour north of my home. I had my glass of pinot noir, a delicious book, the comfort of strangers and my solitude all in one shot. I was blissed out. A woman two bar stools away leaned across and told me I looked like the picture of contentment -- she was right -- and that she wished she could take my picture for her friend, a recent divorcee who was terrified of her own company, despite this friend's constant encouragement to take herself on the occasional outing.

I come from a family where we are equal parts social butterfly and loner. Either preference can strike on any given day, and rarely is there middle ground where any of us would try to fill up alone time with anyone we don't REALLY want to be with just so the space is occupied. I have some of my loudest laughs and best dances flying solo. I can also burn the candle on a school night in great company like the best of em.

So I pose to you QUESTION #15: ARE YOU A FAN OF YOUR OWN COMPANY? IF SO, WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SOLO ACTIVITY? AND IF NOT, WHAT DO YOU ASPIRE TO DO ON YOUR OWN THAT YOU'VE YET TO?

QUESTION #14 - AUGUST 10, 2009

2009-08-09T20:44:00Z

It was a savory new gig that sped up my departure from the Pacific Northwest ... and delivered me back to the concrete jungle of New York City. I left with a heavy heart and the confirmation of what I've always known: that I'm meant to live in that part of the country down the road.

But for now duty beckons, a priority that was affirmed this morning when none other than the Big O, (and I don't mean that other one, a close second) Ms. Oprah Winfrey, walked into my office and said a brief hello to all us eager employees of her latest endeavor. Her upstanding use of a typically muddied medium is the reason I still do what I do. Today I was reminded I've got a little juice left. Which brings me to pose...

QUESTION #14: WHAT IS YOUR BIG DREAM AND DO YOU TAKE ACTION EVERYDAY TO MANIFEST IT?

QUESTION #13--March 25, 2009

2009-03-26T04:01:00Z

I've recently relocated to Portland, Oregon for a short term job and a new adventure. It's been interesting, challenging and satisfying to stretch some new muscles and leave my east coast complacency behind. It leads me to my next query with....

QUESTION #13--WHAT IS YOUR MOST RECENT OR UPCOMING EXAMPLE OF EXERCISING SOME PARTS OF YOU THAT HAVEN'T BEEN TESTED IN A WHILE? WHAT SCARES YOU ABOUT IT AND WHAT EXCITES YOU?

QUESTION #12--December 16, 2008

2008-12-16T23:54:00Z

Feeling a little bit of the collective malaise? Worried about the future, the state of your finances, how you're going to land a job after being unexpectedly laid off? You are not alone. As the expense of sounding like a Pollyanna, I'd like to think once we weather this societal earthquake, which I believe we will, that an exciting, clean canvas awaits us where we will create a new kind of lifestyle devoid of
all the ugliness that landed us here in the first place.

In the meantime, our health, families and friends take on more sacred proportions than usual. So I ask you to 'kvell' (one of my favorite Yiddish words) in ....

QUESTION #12--WHO DO YOU COUNT ON MOST TO MAKE YOU SMILE THESE DAYS, AND WHY?

QUESTION #11-- October 22, 2008

2008-10-20T14:28:00Z

Well, we're back, just in time to don our Sarah Palin costumes and enjoy the last of our pumpkin carving parties.
The other inspiration for reviving our questions and queries is an amazing documentary I saw last night called "What About Me?"--a superb multi-media artpiece melding some of the globe's most beloved musicians with people of all cultures speaking to life's big questions. I HIGHLY recommend it.
So here's a nice light one to get us back on track that's eaten up a good part of my headspace on more than one occasion....

QUESTION #11--WHAT IS YOUR LIFE PURPOSE, AND HOW MUCH -- IF AT ALL -- DO YOU THINK ABOUT IT?

QUESTION #10 -- June 1, 2008

2008-06-01T13:13:00Z

I'm going to refrain from using my sorry looking flowers and rose bushes as a metaphor for what I've planted this year, and answer the last query by saying the big seed I'm trying to cultivate is thinking less and acting more. I've become very good over the years at looking more at the purpose and meaning behind things, sometimes at the expense of simply diving into the moments.

Yesterday I was blown away by a new documentary I saw called 'Tibet Beyond Fear'. Do what you can to see it. I was riveted, moved and educated. It juxtaposes the stories of a Tibetan monk and nun who both suffered incomprehensible atrocities in the name of trying to advocate and exercise their religious/cultural rights. When they finally made their way to freedom and the western world they recognized that 'we' were not happy, while they were intent on fighting their demons and hatred of the Chinese in the name of living forgiving, compassionate, happy lives. They have succeeded in that quest.

And so...QUESTION #10 -- WHAT 3 THINGS MAKE YOU MOST HAPPY AND HOW OFTEN DO YOU MAKE TIME FOR THEM IN YOUR DAILY LIVES?

QUESTION #9 -- May 7, 2008

2008-05-07T15:50:00Z

So would I be the same animal if my mama's womb had landed in Wichita? I'd have to say that I'd probably be influenced by my surroundings outwardly, to the degree that they'd be such a contrast to what was percolating inside of me -- that being the dna that formed my core.. My surroundings might've shaped my behaviors and protocols and the surface of my dreams until I was old enough to honor all the bits of me that needed fortifying from a northern coastal city. Then I would've probably ended up where I am. As my buddy Robert Plant once wrote: 'though the course may change sometimes, rivers always reach the sea.'

Springtime has sprung...the birds and the bees are sipping mint julips and my green thumb is being tested. So I ask you all:

QUESTION #9 -- WHAT IS THE ONE SEED YOU'D LIKE TO PLANT THIS SEASON FOR YOUR OWN PERSONAL GROWTH?

QUESTION #8 -- April 20, 2008

2008-04-20T15:32:00Z

I think I stumped myself with the last question because I'm not sure I can recall a time when I wasn't into 'digging deep' myself. Frankly I've always been less comfortable with small talk. Not that I'm beyond plenty of carousing, sillly humor and playful laughter. But I'm also trying to learn that oftentimes the situation and the company call for way lighter conversation. That's a muscle that needs exercising.

And now for something totally different...

In my frequent travels around the country I'm constantly reminded how unique our little island of Manhattan is -- an accepting, diverse, cornucopia of personalites, politics, lifestyles, ethnicity and choices. I feel so grateful that I grew up with NYC as my backyard. Then I pop into a small rural town and wonder what I'd be like if I'd been born there. Would I have 5 kids, full-time housewife status, no exposure to racial or political diversity, never to walk beyond my town limits? Or would I just be a lonely oddball dreaming of a different way of life?

QUESTION #8 -- WHAT LIFE WOULD YOU BE LIVING IF YOU HAD LANDED IN A PLACE COMPLETELY OPPOSITE FROM WHERE YOU GREW UP? DOES OUR DNA DICTATE WHO WE BECOME REGARDLESS OF WHERE WE LAND OR DOES THE PLACE MAKE THE MAN?

QUESTION #7 -- April 5, 2008

2008-04-05T18:04:00Z

Happy Spring and thanks for your continued interest in building this question-asking community.

In pondering Question 6, I would definitely tell someone ten years my junior to remove all the distractions, get clear on what their heart desires, and pursue it. Maybe not full time because we all know how interruptive the practicalities of life can be, but slowly, until your bliss laps the mundane and flourishes.

Several of my friends have offered unsolicited explanations for why they don't respond to the questions here, and I was so glad to learn why. The reasons differed, from 'I think too much and just don't do it' to 'I'm not as strong a writer as the others'. I didn't realize this process in itself fosters bits of self-consciousness and self-criticism. Certainly if you're not moved by a certain question or don't feel inspired, understood. But I'm using these reasons to motivate...

QUESTION #7 -- WHAT MAKES YOU SHY AWAY FROM DIGGING DEEP/ANSWERING, BOTH HERE AND MORE IMPORTANTLY, IN YOUR LIFE?

PART DEUX: I'd love to hear what questions you might want to pose to this group. Bring em on!!!!

QUESTION #6 - March 19, 2008

2008-03-19T01:35:00Z

So consensus says that posing new questions at two-week intervals works better for everyone. More time to ponder without feeling overwhelmed or obligated. So I'm going to try every other Sunday, today excepted. As for my answer to the last query, I have for a long time envisioned myself contributing to the world of disenfranchised souls around the globe. I have imagined foregoing all the everyday trappings to plunge into life at an orphanage afar, and I have fantasized having the right means and resources to build and oversee a big plot of beautiful land a few hours outside of New York City where all the lost, homeless, fractured and in need adults and kids alike can create a new family. We'll see.

As for QUESTION #6 -- IF YOU COULD GIVE ONE PIECE OF WISDOM TO SOMEONE SPECIAL IN YOUR LIFE WHO IS 10 YRS YOUR JUNIOR, WHAT WOULD YOU TELL THEM THAT YOU YOURSELF DIDN'T KNOW THEN AND DO KNOW NOW?

QUESTION #5 -- March 4, 2008

2008-03-03T21:57:00Z

Well, I broke my own commitment to Sundays this time, but for good reason, which I'll get to in a moment...

As for the last question, I think my dream accolade would be the 'Affected Lives for the Better' award, the statue being made of dark chocolate and gold leaf in the shape of something resembling the globe and a big heart if they were to morph. My loved ones, Oprah, Bono and Nelson Mandela would be gleaming in the front row, and the after party would feature shameless disco and food by Gordon Ramsey.

More importantly.....

I have learned over the years that the 'everything happens for a reason' thinking applies to my work, and that I get assigned precisely the stories I'm meant to do even if I don't see that at the outset. This past weekend I was sent to Cleveland to spend the day with a beautiful couple, Barbara and Tim Marlowe, who are now foster parents to 6-yr-old Teeba, the Iraqi girl featured in PEOPLE who was burned in a car bombing in her native town. This little girl is the most spirited, old soul being housed in the body and life story of someone that has seen more pain and tragedy than all of us collectively are apt to ever know. I could talk for days about how my time with them impacted me beyond the open heartedness, generosity, hope, and will I witnessed. I encourage you to read about them and if it feels right, send a contribution to the education fund that's been set up for Teeba, info below.

As for QUESTION #5-- IS THERE A CHARITABLE ACT, HOWEVER GUTSY, UNCOMFORTABLE OR FAR-REACHING, THAT YOU'VE CONSIDERED?

To make a contribution, make checks payable to:

Teeba Furat Fadhil Savings Fund

c/o National City Bank, 8537 Mentor Ave, Mentor, OH 44060

QUESTION #4 -- February 24, 2008

2008-02-24T17:35:00Z

Your answers were interestingly varied for the last query, thanks for that. As for me, I'd have to join my dear crony in saying Oprah, mostly because of the orbit she's seemed to ascend to in terms of living her biggest life and all the gorgeous synchronicities and positive impact it yields on a regular basis. We all tap into that intangible flow at times in our lives when we seem to be living on a plane that's fluid and interconnected and where a bigger power seems reassuringly at play. At least I'm lucky enough to know what that feels like. But to be tapped into that intangible energy on a regular basis, and feel like most things you do are noticeably purposeful, is what I'd take for my own.

Now that we've waxed spiritual, let's get to something way more significant, the Oscars happening tonight. Red carpet, glitz, glam and lipo in full regalia. A good many of us have fantasized that acceptance speech. I for one still envision being up there one day accepting my 'Best Documentary' statue. But in the meantime let's expand beyond Hollyweird and ponder...

QUESTION #4 -- IF YOU WERE TO WIN ONE AWARD IN YOUR LIFETIME, WITH YOUR HERO SITTING IN THE FRONT ROW AND A CHANCE TO THANK GOD AND YOUR MAMA, WHAT WOULD THE AWARD BE CALLED AND FOR WHAT WOULD YOU WIN IT?

QUESTION #3

2008-02-10T14:15:00Z

I continue to marvel at the honest and poetic responses you share. Thanks again.
As for me re: QUESTION #2: I would say I've got the global and local versions of what sates my ritualistic soul. My annual pilgrimmage to Burning Man is like returning home, the perfect place for my eclectic family of black sleep to descend onto one freakish, theatrical, communal place for a week a year. My other is my Yucatan 'home' which I visit most Decembers and indulge my expat, south of the border, wannabe salsa self. As for local ceremony, I love to have family and friends over for dinner, to hang out, bang on drums, dance to cheesy disco, whatever the mood dictates. Several times a week I try not to get out of bed until I've done a little white light visualizing/positive thinking/hippie juju and I definitely take at least 2 days a month to go on some 1-2 hr road trip involving a quiet river town/mountain and obnoxiously loud 70s rock/soul en route.

Moving on....

The other night I went out with two friends to a fun musical performance . Later in the evening the subject of fancying having someone else's life came up. My short answer was NO, that I don't wish to walk in someone else's shoes. That I know, despite whatever challenges, that I am meant to be walking precisely the path I am walking even if I often wished there were more roses and daisies lining its way. Not that I don't occasionally envy Angelina Jolie's access to the UN and some 20something on the street's ass. So I ask you...

QUESTION #3:

WHOSE LIFE WOULD YOU BORROW FOR ONE WEEK? AND WHAT SPECIFICALLY ARE THE QUALITIES YOU'D TAKE ETERNALLY FOR YOUR OWN?

QUESTION #2 -- February 10, 2008

2008-02-10T14:00:00Z

Most importantly, I want to thank all of you for viewing, reading, commenting and supporting this new community. You contributed such heartfelt answers to Question #1. In the interest of taking this a step beyond frivolity, I'd encourage us all to honor those '3 things', and to figure out why they're not as integral a part of our daily lives as we fantasize them being.
In the interest of participating rather than just eliciting, here are my three:
1. Act more, ponder less (which is the reason I've been so unabashedly self promoting lately about my 'bliss' projects that have until recently collected more cobwebs in my brain than momentum in reality, so thanks for understanding)
2. Float openly around South America for an unlimited amount of time, ideally volunteering at an orphanage along the way
3. Extend this concept into a road documentary in order to cull as many answers for all of us before I leave this place

Onward....

I had a beautiful, spirited housewarming party last weekend filled with an eclectic mix of friends and family I am blessed to have in my life. Yesterday my neighbor, an older Italian woman who was surprised to have been invited, reminded me to 'appreciate the privilege'. It took me a moment to understand she was talking about cherishing the pool of love we're surrounded by that falls away as we age, simply by virtue of mortality. Last Sunday, I transformed into a sailor/cheerleader combo entranced by the Superbowl, viewed at a little New York City joint my loved ones and I have been visiting for years on 'big game day'. Another ritual that makes this non-sports gal morph one day a year more because of the company than the circumstances. So I pose to you...

QUESTION #2:

WHAT RITUALS AND CELEBRATIONS -- BEYOND OBVIOUS BIRTHDAYS AND HALLMARK HOLIDAYS -- DO YOU ENJOY OR WANT TO BEGIN, JUST BECAUSE....???

QUESTION #1 -- Jan 19, 2008

2008-01-19T15:50:00Z

In honor of the launch of a brand new year, one, incidentally, that has thusfar been very energetically weird for me and lots of people I know, I ask you:

IF YOU ONLY HAD ONE MORE YEAR ON THIS PLANET, (god forbid as 'my people' say), WHAT TOP THREE PRIORITIES WOULD BE PERCOLATING IN YOUR BRAIN TODAY?

Perhaps we can use this question to focus our intentions for 2008, get closer to fulfilling our bliss, and remember what really matters....